How Not to Date Like a Celebrity

How Not to Date Like a Celebrity
06/08/2006 1:42:00 PM
Who better to demonstrate the dos and don'ts of modern relationships than those wacky folks from Hollywood?
Their relationships are under the spotlight, under the microscope and under the omnipresent gaze of the paparazzi. Who better to demonstrate the dos and don'ts of modern relationships than those wacky folks from Hollywood?
Celebrity Dating Lesson #1: Stop Making the Same Mistakes
Always seem to end up with a total jerk/heartless chick who breaks your heart and steals your favourite CD? A classic dating mistake is falling for the wrong type time and again. Some ill-fated relationships to avoid include those with bad boys such as actors Billy Crudup and Colin Farrell and "musician" Kevin Federline. I'm sorry, but anyone who leaves a pregnant girlfriend to be with you just isn't worth it. Likewise, beware serial monogamists such as Paris Hilton. Does every date have to turn into an engagement within a matter of minutes? I guess so.
Celebrity Dating Lesson #2: Don't Take Things Too Fast
Our most egregious category by far. Hollywood is awash with tales of whirlwind romances, lightning-fast proposals and quickie marriages. But those who leap into something serious while their head is still spinning from the initial endorphin buzz usually end up untying the knot as fast as they tied it. Witness these way-too-fast pairings:
· Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott. Divorced from respective partners in October, engaged at Christmas, married in May. The death-watch has officially begun
· Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney. Time from wedding to annulment? Four months
· Lisa Marie Presley to Nicolas Cage: three months, 15 days. To, er, Michael Jackson, 20 months
· Britney Spears and Jason Alexander. Acquainted since childhood; married 48 hours
These turbo-charged relationships have given rise to a new concept dubbed 'Instimacy' -- that is, Instant Intimacy -- and it sounds every bit as alarming as it is. Lasting, meaningful relationships take time to develop; switching your dating habits to warp speed is asking for trouble.
Celebrity Dating Lesson #3: Don't Take Them For Granted
Taking your sweetie for granted is a serious dating misdemeanour. Offences can range from embarrassing them in public to not making time for them. One need only cast an eye toward Tinseltown for some prime examples of serious dating violations:
· Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe. She forgot to thank him in her Academy Award acceptance speech
· Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe. Why do we always see pics of her spending the holidays alone?
Celebrity Dating Lesson #4: Don't Forget Your Own Needs
Getting involved with someone new is a thrilling head-rush. But all too often people sacrifice things that are important to them for the sake of keeping someone else happy -- and by their side. Don't follow the lead of Katie Holmes, who gave up her career to (maybe) one day become Tom Cruise's wife, which really isn't much of a win when you think about it. Also see Brad Pitt, who put his family plans on hold until wife Jennifer Aniston was ready -- and then ended up having a child with someone else.
Celebrity Dating Lesson #5: Don't Break Up Badly
Sometimes, despite playing by the rules, dates just don't work out. But there's a right and a wrong way to handle things when parting company with someone you've been dating.
· Don't write scathing break-up songs about your ex, like Justin Timberlake and Eminem
· Don't break-up by fax like Phil Collins or email like Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (Who knew either one of those bozos could type? -- Ed)
· Don't yo-yo like Adam Goldstein and Nicole Richie. Their off-again, on-again (now off-again) relationship is getting tiresome even to us!
· Don't sell your ex's personal effects like Rick Solomon did with his private video of ex girlfriend Paris Hilton
· Don't hook up with a friend's ex, like Denise Richards did with Richie Sambora after he split from his wife (and Denise's now ex-friend) Heather LocklearWhen it comes to dating with style, these usually stylish celebrities have a thing or two to learn. Let their dating mistakes be a lesson to us all.